Seeing a loved one struggle can be devastating, especially at a time we commonly associate with joy. Postpartum depression (PPD) is a common mood disorder that occurs in people who’ve recently had a baby. Both birthing and non-birthing parents might experience PPD, and it can develop anytime within the first year of childbirth or adoption.

If your partner, friend, or family member was diagnosed with PPD, or if you think they might show signs of it, know that your support matters and, in fact, may be lifesaving. Here are six ways you can help someone with PPD.

1. Recognize the Signs

You might suspect your loved one has PPD if they express prolonged and constant feelings of guilt, sadness, emptiness, and worthlessness, or if they experience sleep disturbances or appetite changes. Other symptoms of postpartum depression include:

• Constant fatigue or restlessness
• Indecisiveness and brain fog
• Loss of interest in normal activities
• Trouble bonding with the baby
• Thoughts about harming the baby
• Suicidal thoughts

However, not every new mother or new parent is willing to share their feelings, and not everyone is easy to read. Some parents may choose to lock their emotions up inside, which makes recognizing PPD challenging. If that’s the case, it can be helpful to simply ask them how they’re doing.

What’s the Difference Between PPD and ‘Baby Blues’?

You might have also heard of the so-called “baby blues” — mood changes experienced by many new mothers and other new parents within the first two weeks of childbirth. Baby blues are temporary and mild, resolving within a few weeks. They are not the same as PPD, which is more severe and can last for years if left untreated.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t offer support to loved ones experiencing baby blues. That said, baby blues shouldn’t be a reason to worry in the long run.

2. Acknowledge the Parent

With everyone busy taking care of the new baby, it’s not unusual to forget to check in with the new parents. You can make them feel seen simply by asking them how they’re feeling and acknowledging the fact that early parenthood can be challenging.

If a parent tells you they’ve been feeling down, don’t try to cheer them up by telling them to be happy about their new baby or grateful for what they have. That sort of comment can invalidate new parents’ experience. Your loved one could end up feeling guilty about their condition, and they may be less likely to open up to you again.

Instead, try to show unconditional, nonjudgmental support. Ask questions about how they’re feeling, and try to listen more than you speak. Everyone is different, but many new parents are looking for empathy and understanding, not advice.

3. Encourage Seeking Help

Generally, PPD is unlikely to go away on its own. Treatment may include both medications (antidepressants) and professional talk therapy. One of the best things you can do is encourage your loved one to seek help. Many healthcare providers can help diagnose and treat PPD, including a primary care provider, a mental health provider, an OB/GYN, or a midwife.

You can also offer to help your loved one find a specialist. Below are a few resources that you can use to get help:

• Call or text 833-TLC-MAMA (833-852-6262) for the National Maternal Health Hotline. You can gain free access to professional counselors anytime.
• Call or text 800-944-4PPD (800-944-4773) for Postpartum Support International, which offers support in English and Spanish.
• Psychology Today allows you to search for therapists by specialty, location, health insurance, and other criteria.

4. Offer Support at Home

Caring for an infant is physically and mentally taxing. Many new parents have little time to spend on chores, let alone for rest or self-care.

Having a friend, grandparent, or other trusted loved one offer to do the laundry, clean the house, shop for groceries, or do meal prep can relieve some stress. You can also help the parent by offering to babysit or arrange child care so they can nap, take a walk, or do another activity they would enjoy. You can also offer to take them to doctor appointments or provide child care while they attend their appointments.

You could even offer to stay overnight and take care of a fussy baby to help parents get more nighttime rest.

5. Know What To Do in Case of an Emergency

Learn what you can do if you suspect your loved one may be considering suicide. Warning signs of someone thinking about suicide include them:

• Feeling like a burden
• Wishing they were dead
• Experiencing guilt or shame
• Feeling extremely sad, anxious, angry, or restless
• Experiencing emptiness or hopelessness
• Enduring extreme physical or emotional pain

Other signs include engaging in reckless behavior, excessive alcohol or drug use, extreme mood swings, and withdrawal from their loved ones. If your loved one is saying goodbyes, making a will, researching ways to die, or giving away their personal items, intervene as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, not all people show signs when they have thoughts of suicide. If you believe this is the case, it’s best to ask your loved one if they’re considering harming themselves. Be gentle but direct, and try to stay calm, no matter how they respond.

Who Can You Call?

Use the following resources to seek emergency help:

• Call 911 for any emergency service in the U.S.
• Call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. This organization also has a chat feature on their website.

You can also encourage your loved one to go straight to the closest emergency room.

A Word on Postpartum Psychosis

Postpartum psychosis is a mental health condition that requires immediate medical attention. Postpartum psychosis is rare, but when it occurs, it is an emergency, and it is important to know the signs. They may include:

• Hallucinations (hearing, seeing, smelling, or feeling things that are not there)
• Delusions (experiencing fears, thoughts, or suspicions that are irrational)
• Extreme restlessness, depression, or both
• Confusion and disorganization

Some people are at a higher risk of developing postpartum psychosis, including those with a history of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and postpartum psychosis after previous pregnancies. Other risk factors include no longer taking medications prescribed to treat psychiatric disorders during pregnancy and a family history of psychosis or bipolar disorder.

If your loved one is showing signs of postpartum psychosis, seek emergency care right away.

6. Take Care of Yourself

Airplane safety videos show people putting their own oxygen masks on before they help others to do the same. It’s a similar situation: If you don’t take proper care of your own mental health, you won’t be able to offer your full support to your loved one. This is especially relevant if you’re the partner of a person experiencing PPD.

Make sure you have someone to share your feelings with. You might even want to consider talking to a professional yourself. According to The Lancet, up to 26 percent of new fathers may experience PPD themselves in the first year after their child’s birth.

The Postpartum Support International Helpline — 800-944-4773 — is available to fathers and non-birthing parents too. The organization also has specific resources for new dads.

Find Your Team

MyDepressionTeam is the social network for people living with all types of depression, including postpartum depression, and their loved ones. Members come together to ask questions, offer support and advice, and share their stories with others who understand life with PPD.

Did you know about the risk factors for postpartum depression before your baby was born? Do you have any advice for others managing these risks? Share your experience, or start a conversation by posting on your Activities page.