Most romantic relationships have ups and downs. But if you or your partner is living with depression, symptoms such as low energy, anger, difficulty concentrating, or social withdrawal can create additional challenges.

That doesn’t mean a healthy relationship isn’t possible. Many people living with depression and other mental health conditions have fulfilling, long-term romantic relationships.

Here are five ways depression can affect your relationship patterns and when it may be time to consider couples counseling or individual therapy.

🗳️ How has depression affected your romantic relationship?

We have more misunderstandings or conflicts.

One or both of us feel more distant.

Low energy makes it harder to spend time together.

All of the above.

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Relationship cycling, sometimes called an “on-again, off-again” relationship, is when a couple breaks up and gets back together more than once. While depression doesn’t directly cause relationship cycling, some depression symptoms can contribute to this pattern.

For instance, at times you may feel you would be better off without the relationship, while at other times you may want to reconnect. One MyDepressionTeam member described this dynamic as “an emotional roller coaster.”

Depression can also affect how you communicate and connect with your partner. If you create emotional distance, are angry or irritable, or stop sharing activities with them, your partner may feel hurt or rejected. This pattern keeps the negative cycle going.

Relationship cycling itself can also worsen depression. While healthy relationships may help support mental health, breaking up and getting back together repeatedly may contribute to depressive symptoms.

If you’re in an on-and-off relationship, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Couples therapy may be an option if it feels appropriate. You don’t have to continue the cycle.

Depression affects chemicals in the brain, which can affect sexual desire and response. The condition can also cause anhedonia, which is the loss of interest or pleasure in activities you once enjoyed — including sex.

Even the methods used to treat depression, such as the majority of antidepressants, can affect sexual function and desire.

A loss of sexual desire is common, so if this is happening to you, it’s important to know you’re not alone. In fact, it is a frequent topic of conversation among MyDepressionTeam members.

“I don’t have a sex drive at all anymore,” one MyDepressionTeam member shared.

Another wrote, “When the anxiety and depression are at their worst, sometimes I want sex more often to reassure myself that I am still loved. And sometimes, the total opposite happens. I want to be alone and not touched.”

To complicate matters further, if your partner misinterprets your decrease in libido as a sign that you’re no longer attracted to them, they may feel rejected. This feeling may affect their self-esteem and, in turn, their own desire for sex — creating a cycle.

To help prevent these types of misunderstandings, open communication is incredibly important.

Additionally, finding other ways to connect can help maintain intimacy. As one MyDepressionTeam member suggested, “Get creative with your partner and make it fun.”

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but depression may lead to partners using less constructive ways of communicating during conflicts.

“I’m having constant fights with my boyfriend,” one MyDepressionTeam member said. Another shared, “I’ve had two fights with my husband and can’t stop overthinking. I’m pushing everyone away.”

Research suggests that people experiencing depression may be more likely to use destructive rather than constructive communication during an argument. They may also see conflict as harmful, threatening, or negative, which can impact how they respond.

While they may not be the primary symptoms, depression may cause angry outbursts, irritability, frustration, or low self-esteem. All these symptoms can affect your ability to communicate.

Insomnia, which is another common symptom of depression, can also make it harder to manage your emotions. When you’re exhausted or not feeling well, even small disagreements can feel harder to handle.

If you’re having intense or frequent conflicts in your relationship, a therapist or counselor can help you develop strategies to work through conflict and communicate more effectively.

While occasional conflicts can be a normal part of a relationship, it’s never OK for either partner to be abusive, controlling, threatening, or otherwise harmful.

Unfortunately, depression can lead to feelings of low self-esteem or low self-worth, making it difficult to recognize unhealthy relationship dynamics if they occur. The condition can also reduce motivation or energy, making it harder to address these relationship issues.

It can be scary to make the decision to leave an unhealthy relationship dynamic. But you’re not alone, and there is something positive on the other side of leaving.

One member of the MyDepressionTeam community said, “I finally let go and reclaimed my power.” Another shared, “Alone isn’t as scary as you think. You learn to love yourself.”

If you think depression may be affecting your decision to stay in a romantic relationship, consider talking with a mental health professional. If you’re experiencing abuse or feel unsafe, contact your local emergency services or domestic violence support line.

One partner living with depression doesn’t necessarily strengthen a relationship, but how partners respond to its challenges may.

Vulnerability, empathy, honesty, and open communication can bring couples closer together. By being open about what you’re experiencing, you can help your partner better understand your needs and give you both an opportunity to support each other.

Remember that healthy relationships can still have difficult days. As one MyDepressionTeam member wrote, “It’s a delicate balance, and yes, we get on each other’s nerves often and have to recharge a bit.”

Another member shared how she and her husband handled a difficult day. “I woke up to a text that said, ‘I’m sorry. I love you.’ We talked about it later in the day, and we’re all set.”