Background info: I've been depressed for over 25 years, was married, and had 2kids. I have been alone for over 16 years now, and can't believe that someone would even want to be with me. For all my shortcomings, depression and lack of self esteem. My kids mean the world to me, but they are older now and moving on with their own lives. I'm scared, terrified and afraid to even want to get close to someone male. I don't want just sex, i want a… read more
13 years I stayed with a partner who was never really a partner. He cheated, lied, emotionally abused me and made me think I was crazy. On top of that his hygiene was a joke. His breath could knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.
Why did I stay? What’s that expression? You accept the love you think you deserve. Our relationship ended with him cheating once more. Except this time he got her pregnant. My ex is now stuck with a kid he never wanted and a career welfare queen.
I never thought I would feel anything for anyone else. Ever again.
I was alone, really alone for the first time in 19 years. My daughter had moved out.
It was me and my cat. I started to heal.
Then one day I had a coffee date with an old friend. A widower.
Four years later we are married. I am the one who proposed to HIM!
My depression is under control thanks to medication, and becoming more self aware. And learning to love myself. I still struggle. But now have a partner who stands with me and supports me. Instead of taking advantage and trying to make me crazy.
If it can happen for someone as messed up as I was, it can happen for anyone.
Don’t give up.
At the very least, learn to LIKE yourself even a little.
Then go from there.
Thanks for listening.
It wasn’t easy. But I finally decided to stop beating myself up and learn to like myself a little. My husband was a surprise. One I never expected.
There is always hope. Never give up.
Take a chance. Otherwise,you’re stuck in your mind in the self sabotage that tortures you. First, start by actively having compassion for what you have been through and what you’re going through as you would for your most beloved. Stop blaming yourself and and feeling guilty. It is not your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT . You did nothing wrong. I find when I have done things that I am sure won’t work out, when I do them, the act of confronting my fears eventually makes my fear powerless. I have been and and mstuation is very similar to yours, but I am no longer depressed. I wish I could tell you how that has happened having bi polar depression
all my life. But, one thing I know. Getting back in the flow of life is the best path to heal your wonds even when you think of endless reasons not to do an endless array of things You May have to gently force yourself, especially at the beginning. And finding a woman is hard for everyone. When you do, you will become best friends that and that might well lead to an intimate relationionship, and she will love you exacty as you are as you will her. At worst you’ll have a woman as one of your best friends, and she has friends. So, take the plunge. If it doesn’t work out, it will not be a failure, but a teachable moment , an opportunity to learn and grow. For me it changed my sense of self, my self esteem, my self image. Remember that you are unique, irreplaceable. You have touched more people than you know even when you were battling depression , with a smile, a touch, a hug, with love.lNow you need to remember that you are loved, you matter. Visualizing these thioughts and meditating has helped me immeasurably. Force yourself to get in the flow of life Just do it. Nothing easy ever conferred remarkable rewards,. So, I wish you the best as you’turn the kaleidescope’just a little bit, and makes everything look different. You’ve been knocked down, and you have the strengthe to pickl yourself up, dust yourself off, and claim you’re life.Courage is doing things that you’re afraid to ddo. Summon up that courage which hasn’t gone anywhere., and get back in the stream of life. Take baby steps , and be mindful that you are taking your life back. For me, depression is a distortion among other things.It also puts us in a state of forgetfulness Perhaps it develops to burn off our ego, which is truly traumatic, but if we can get through our depression and get to the other side, we realize it was a gift. As my friend has said, it we become acquainted with fierce grace. Start taking care of yourself the way you took care of your kids when they were yong.Good luck in reclaiming the second part of your life.. Even if you are telling yourself all the ways you can’t do it,tell them to f. k off, and I know fhat you can doit.
You are worthy of love, Kylie, all of us are! Don't put yourself down. Get a pen and paper, write down all of your accomplishments, no matter how big or small, include compliments to yourself, look in the mirror and tell yourself how awesome you are! Everyone is unique, so you have special talents that no one else has. Hug yourself, you'll feel better!
Write positives on pieces of paper and put them in a jar. Each morning take one out, it will make your day so good!
Hugs and love,
@A MyDepressionTeam Member
Well, after two file marriages and two grown kids, I've learned that if I see myself as now worthy, others may see me hat way as well. I had low self esteem and still recovering from that. I have to keep telling myself every day that I am a good and loving person, that I am smart and worthy of a life shared with someone who will treat me and love me he way I want to be loved. I sometimes feel that I was not meant to have that in my life. I don't hope for it or pray for it anymore as I have never been successful with it. If that is meant to be, God will put it in my life. Until then, I will be happy being by myself.