it seems to be worst at night for me. when the sun is up and I can get out of here for a little bit, even for a drive, I am better.

people are trying to help me. I have a music teacher now. so thru the chaos I am playing and keeping a beat.

one and two and three and four.

now I will be able to play with my favorite artists, like Kurt Cobain, David Bowie, Jeff Lynn, Eric Clapton. …. I will b learning the blues.

when you are 60, you kind of direct the teacher to go where you want too.

a rest is not just a rest. you need to see how Bach wrote his first pieces to kow why there is a rest... what it is supposed to sound like,

a whole new twist.

I am lucky to have artist and teachers in my life, masters of their arts who are concerned about me.

you have to pay people to care about you at 60.

If I just lay here and think my husband, my kid, or anything in this house dungeon is going to make me feel better, its not going to happen.

I came home for lunch. A buttery omellette with scallions and swiss. I am making vegetable broth from fresh onions and carrots and celery.

I refuse to accept this fate. For today. Love you guys.

My basil is sitting in the sun.

I love you, Sylvia, for real, kid- you are definitely not dead in my experience, but are very much alive to me, and thank you very much for what you have given me in the short months that we have been acquainted . .

Es verdad, mi amiga . .

P.S.- Ooh, I just noticed how old and wrinkled my hand looks in that picture!! . . well, we cannot stop the aging process, can we now, kids?! . .

Samuelito . .

I guess the most important thing is to realize the dead feeling is going to pass and you rise from the darkness back into the light.

Lately that's all I feel like I want do is cry, and sleep. No motivation

oh yes, a new therapist , on the bucket list. dumped the bucket due to incompetent docs and therapist. geez.