For me it's not about wanting to die as much as it is just not wanting to be here! I often think that being dead would just be such an inconvenience to the lives of people that don't go out of their way to show that they care while I'm alive. I sometimes rehearse my eulogy, who would draw the short straw and have to speak, the great accomplishments of my life, the tears over a life lived in confusion. The condescending nods as depression is mentioned and people asked to contribute to a charity to absolve themselves of the guilt of being to self consumed to care.
And it turns my stomach and I think about just heading into the wild and living in isolation and making friends with kangaroo and koala.......then I think of my kids and I realise that being a parent just might be the only thing that I can do that no-one else can. So I take a breath and face another day.
I've also recently begun working as a disability carer and my clients are all non verbal. When I look at them I realise that no-one understands them either and so I determine to be the person that does. Because, ultimately, that's what I crave most myself. Just someone who understands me.

I want my symptoms to stop...more than death...but..i have attempted death twice in 50 years and here i still am..thank goodness..
My symptoms. .when at their worst...
Its hard to keep any thoughts strait. .i need silence...sometimes a short nap helps...sometimes a half shot of rum...
Its tough to remember at those moments thst this..emotion will pass..ride it out sometimes

Love it! I have a non verbal down syndrome son...love the work your doing !!!

If it wasn't for my kids and grandkids i don't know where I would be I focus on them I know what you are going through be there done I send you hugs

Or situational...can throw me into deep depression...