RayLigouri. Is that because you isolate and have trouble trusting people?

Ray, I am totally an extrovert, so I thrive on being around others. I am glad you have your job and kids. 😊

My mom started gaslighting me when I was 7, to cover up extreme abuse. She told family and friends that I was crazy and they couldn't believe anything I said. This was 2 sided--they wouldn't believe me, and I would not bother trying to tell them. I was not mentally ill as a 7 year old, but from that day forward, my mother created an identity for me as crazy. She actually created every mental illness I have, with her physical, sexual, and psychological abuse of me. Chronic PTSD, major depressive disorder, and borderline personality disorder. Earlier, I had two other mental illnesses too--dissociative identity disorder and conversion disorder. The conversion disorder put me in a wheelchair for 17 years. I kicked that one in 2012, and integrated the dissociative identities in 1994. So, if I say that my parents wrecked my life, I am not just blaming them. It's a fact.

My younger sister, when I tried to forge an adult relationship with her, said "Well, I just don't know if you have anything to bring to the table.". She told me right in that sentence, what she believes I am worth. There was no coming back from that.

My mom alienated 98% of her side of the family away from me, so that no one would believe she was the momster in the equation. After much wrestling, I came to realize that God knows, and that's all that matters. I can't convince people who have been marinating in my mother's influence so long, that she is anything other than a matriarch whose been maligned by her mentally ill daughter. It is an inescapable part of my daily reality that I have extremely little family support. My mom has everything and everyone she needs. I am free now.

Oh yes! My family treats me as if I committed a crime. When our nephews ( 3) and niece ( 1) were younger, my husband and I were not allowed to be alone with them. And to this day, as they are teenagers; we get blamed for everything.

I just try not to let it show, except for a select few. Family isn't always close; sometimes friends are closer. I had someone who used to be one of my best friends seem shocked that I'm on disability. She asked why, and when I told her, she said "Join the club!" My sister, my husband and my eldest daughter are understanding.
Hugs to you!