Hi KenOliver…..I appreciate what you're saying. My problem is I feel, most often, that I have no control of most anything!! I know how hopeless and inane that sounds!!! I'm 60 years old now (when did THAT happen??!!) and I've felt that way for most of those years!!! I've never felt "in control". That's a big part of my problem!!! KenOliver, I would say that 97.8% of my memories are not positive memories. There were no happy family times when growing up; no fond memories of birthdays or family get-togethers. Lots of quiet....no hugs or "I love you" moments. Lots of secrecy. LOTS of isolation from the outside world. My most vivid memories are those I don't share with ANYONE. At my age, I feel a great deal of shame for things I am just beginning to drill into my head I was not responsible for. Don't get me wrong, I DO have my bright spots!! Getting married and having my children. Watching them grow into responsible, worthy adults. But those damn "woulda, shoulda, couldas"!!!! I struggle with them daily!! I have decided, most recently, to step away from all this tho. I don't know if I can pull it off.....I want to start anew. I am planning a BIG move to a different part of the country, to a new life style, to a new life!!! It's going to be hard I know. It's going to be the hardest thing I have done in my entire life. I want NEW memories, NEW situations, NEW choices. I'm ready to walk away from the past and leave all the hurt and heartache behind. I feel stronger knowing there are friends like you out there who understand and DON'T judge me. So, thank you. You all make it easier for to even understand myself even just a little.....Mimi

Feel liberation that you can remember both good and bad things from the past, but keep in mind that you cannot control it or change it. It is what it is, "in the past" Re-focus on the things you have control over, to replace the guilt that dwelling on the bad from the past leaves behind.

this sounds like a good idea!!! The symbolism could be the powerful catalyst I need to finally say BYE BYE to those painful thoughts. I NEED to let go of the past so I can concentrate on the present. I am currently entering a new phase in my life and I want to move FORWARD. Thank you!!! I'm going to work on this RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

It's perfectly normal to feel that way lord knows I have made some whopper mistakes!!!
I wrote ALL the terrible mistakes I had made in the past ( I still make mistakes just silly ones now tho teeheehee)proceeded outside with a metal pail in my backyard and burned those motherf@@!%rs!!!! As they were burning I said.out loud " number (whatever there were lots lol) you are no longer applicable in my life anymore..with these flames you are forever burnt out of my memories, you
bear no significance in my present life so....BYE BYE FELICIA !!!!!! don't let the door hit your ASS way out . Hope this weirdness of mine helps 💙💛🔥🔥🔥

thank you Lisanna. Someday perhaps what is broken in us will be healed.