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High Sex Drive

High Sex Drive

Hi all,

Thanks for taking the time to read my message, I am at a point of being desperate and don’t know what the solution is.

I have suffered with depression all my adult life (I am 31) and have had periods where I have been perfectly in control with medication.

However when I am not in control my sex drive is dangerously high. I have been in a (generally) happy relationship for 13 years but in the past 18 months since turning 30 I have been uncontrollable. I still love my boyfriend very… read more

A MyDepressionTeam Member said:

So when you encounter your trigger, your mind automatically goes into your reactive state to counter the depression or bad feeling. Additionally, our society over sexualizes love and personal or self validation - the Cinderella or Pretty Woman complex. So when one is feeling vulnerable or encounter those bothersome thoughts that question our value and worth, we fall back to our patterns or habits. For alcoholics - it's alcohol for you and terry it might be sex. It fulfills an emotional need to be liked and needed and it also releases the natural chemicals that fight cortisol in our sytem. So why not seek that from your bf- he is the one you love, yeah? But he is also the one you fear losing the most and that can be a fear of judgement or that he won't understand. That he will leave you if he discovers your "unsavory secret." These are thoughts and fears and not facts. Additionally our intimate partners may also be the source of some emotional baggage that you are avoiding. I.e. a stranger has not had Christmas dinner with your nana, or play golf with your Dad, or is the father of your children. But of course once the 'feelgood' chemicals – endorphin, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine disapate, just like alcohol or drugs, you experiance The Hang Over. In your case that manifests itself in guilt and depression. You manage for awhile until a trigger comes along and you start the cycle all over again. it took years of DBT and practice to identify my triggers and my cycle of choices and behaviors to be able to manage it.

edited, originally posted over 3 years ago
A MyDepressionTeam Member said:

@A MyDepressionTeam Member (Elise) and terrydale - I am a peer recovery support specialist out of Reno. I also have lived experience with PTSD and BPD. Among other things I struggle with depression, chronic SI and empathy deficit.

First don't be quick to discard cbt. I went through DBT or Dialectic Behavior Therapy four times at the VA's Mental Health Clinic. That is over 4 years of therapy. There was epiphanies along the way, but I didn't really get it until the last year. Acceptance and ownership were turning points for me. But my path may not be yours, I am just saying don't just discard cbt easily. I wrote in anothe post, it took a liftime of habits and conditioning to get us here, so a 20 week cbt session might just chip the surface.

I will avoid making a diagnosis, as I am not qualified to do so, but Stacy Murray has a point about having the discussion with your doc. Even with the VA I had to fight beauracracy and apathy to get my PTSD diagnosis and basically had to disrobe and show my mental health coordinator the 23 scars that covered my body. It took a year to do that. Donyour research and engage your care team (therapist, psychiatrist, and case worker) - they have a job because of you. In othet words, they work for you not the other way around. I don't like taking a lot of meds, and the VA is a slave to big pharm just like anyone else, but I replaced several of my syn meds with natural or organic options and did my research and brought it to my psychiatrist and we check on side effects and interactions. When I feel wonky side effects I call my doc and we discuss it and look at dosages and other options. Take what Stacy suggested and do your own leg work and when you go to your doc have a list and be prepared. You are your own best advocate.

Finally from what you mentioned about the cyclic nature of your addiction and hyper sexual desires, this is my observation and opinion. Terry says he has the same experience. This is an opinion and as we all know from therapy, opinions are not facts. You said there are times when you are in control of your sex drive, then "something" happens and you fall of the wagon. That something is a "trigger" - this can be something innocuous. For vets like me triggers can be songs, sounds, crowded venues, heat, smells. You need to identify that trigger because your sex drive is reactive state to that trigger. Additionally, like working out, sex release natural hormones and chemicals in the brain that counter act cortisol which is associated with sadneas and depression.

posted over 3 years ago
A MyDepressionTeam Member said:

I can ttly relate. I'm single and in my late 40s, and I'm basically insatiable and have been for over a year. I take care of it solo at this point, so it's not leading me into risky behaviors or situations, but yeah....there are days where I can think of no better way to spend my time than alone in my bdrm. I think it's most likely because my life has become so dull and boring, I have no interest in getting involved in a relationship, and there is no greater source of enjoyment for me that doesn't cost money. As long as I keep it to myself I don't think it's a problem. I mean, therapy doesn't give me what an orgasm can. Can anyone else relate?

posted over 2 years ago
A MyDepressionTeam Member said:

Definitely a bipolar swing. Full blown too by the sounds of it. I wud recommend to my doctor that he rechecks your diagnosis.

Handing said that there cud be other disorders where promiscuity is also a factor.

I'm a chronic bipolar and I'm exactly the same....very promiscuous when I'm going into a swing and becoming manic. Been married for 24 years and never looked at another man but I'm sure that my hubby struggles to keep up sometimes with my appetite. It can go borderline nympho

Another sign of bipolar mania is blowing money hand over foot. Cud help you narrow it down.

Go chat with your doc. Good luck and God bless

posted over 3 years ago
A MyDepressionTeam Member said:

You are not alone when I am on a manic my sex drive is through the roof my partner accuses me of been a nympho and gets annoyed its got to a point where i need an outlet so im looking into this you are not crazy at all hugs

posted over 3 years ago
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