Barb not to seem cruel or insensitive but r u on any antidepressants ? Are you in any therapy ? I ask as I was dealt a fair share of the same shit since a child and had so many issues I needed to address before I cud even get to the point of wanting to stay on this planet . My depressions hv been extreme and a constant thru my life but tremendous work to keep trying new therapy’s to help myself . Does it ever get better ? Well for me yes and no . The happiest I ever was in raising my son as a stay at home mom . But being married to a addict is no fun and at the end of 34 years I finally left 4 years ago . These past few years hv been by far the worst of my life . And I’m now stuck living w my ex as he destroyed us financially . Due to covid I lost 1/2 my income and hv been living off wat little savings I hv left . It’s been a bad horror story . Up till 3 months ago I was in the worst depression of my life but perseverance brought me to finding the right med so I’m stable now . But w the depression removed all the issues / problems have been shown crystal Clear to me now and I’m trapped w no control over how to continue living like this . I’m now a 65 year old hurting cleaning lady . Never in my worst nightmare cud hv imagined my life wud turn out this way . But this “ stuck time “ has given me the opportunity to work on me ; the hardest job ever . My suggestions to you is stop the self harm today it only feeds the self hatred and shame . Get urself into therapy and if you got clean once u can do it again . And if u feel like ur gonna od call for help immediately . U must break this pattern and only u can do it . We r here for you anytime but u must stop the beahaviours before u can dig in and get working on you . I’ve been there 34 years clean . There are plenty of excuses to pick up but not one good reason . I’m here shud u need that sobriety support and otherwise . I tend to write novels but in ur case I think u needed to read this chapter . Cathy

I struggle with severe depression also. I am 35 and have made about two suicide attempts a year since I was 18. Things do get better though, I have managed to learn to cope with my thoughts alot better. You have also managed to cope, keep your spirits up and stay strong.

I think it becomes better when we have acceptance and peace with ourselves & our depression

I wish I could help you. But, I want you to know that i am praying for you, and hoping that you have some joy in your life. Hang in there. know you are worthy of all.

Was on meds that really helped with everything but they pulled me off it all in March when I landed in hospital for 2mths where I was diagnosed with a ruined stomach which I also carry alot of fluid n severe liver disease..so I can't take alot of meds cause they will do much more damage n bring on my passing even sooner...no therapist don't trust them thheres not anything I can do as I mentioned I'm severelyy disabled pretty much bed ridden
N no I don't see my family haven't in over 2 yrs....there's just nothing to be happy about I struggle n cope with a ton of different illnesses n MH issues 24/7