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Has anyone ever been diagnosed with this? It was unlike any other depression I had ever experienced. People knew I was sick, but I didn't believe them. I thought they were against me and they didn't know what they were talking about. It is still scary for me to think about what I believed and said or wrote.Then when I got to the point I couldn.t. take what I believed anymore and was tired of people telling me I was sick, I tried to commit suicide. I don't think I really wanted to die, it was… read more
@A MyDepressionTeam Member Oh I agree there is NO CONTROL over these episodes. None. How many times (if I can ask) has this happened to you? For me it was just twice.
And that's enough to last me my life. I agree about not having a complete memory of what happened. Maybe that is the mind trying to protect you from remembering something very painful or traumatizing. I honestly don't want to remember much of it. What I do remember has been shared only with psychologists not ever with someone who was there physically or someone I would want to share with. Interesting. I've never thought about sharing it with anyone but psych people.
As for God keeping it from me? Ugh I don't know I think I would say something like: "How could you let me experience this most horrible hell? What did I do to deserve that?"
That response even surprises me! I guess I have some unresolved anger nearly 40 years later.
@A MyDepressionTeam Member Hi. I don't know if we experienced the same thing or not. It sounds similiar to what I experienced as I said in a previous post to you. I don't know what the difference between being psychotic and having psychotic ideations? All I know is where I went was entirely in my own head and the scariest minutes of my life that I ever had. I too didn't catch my own sickness however the 2cd time I knew what was going to happen. Again the psychosis was entirely in my own head and very scarey. I thank God that only happened to me twice in my life. And I pray will never happen again. I wouldn't wish psychosis on anyone. Yet I know some people experience it everyday.
Like You said, I am not ready to remember.
Yes, they tell me I was angry that brought it on,but still yet I can’t help but feel guilty , hurting others because of my problems. I have battle depression all myl life, but like I said this wasn’t like I had had before. Only one time,so far. But it’s on my mind with the fear almost everyday. When I came to myself after several days at the hospital, I had to except that maybe God had let me go this way for a reason, 1 reason could have been to let me see my daughter differently. I too asked God that question.? But,everything that happens to us isn’t God punishing us. It could be for lots of reasons. And I agree that our minds might not be able to handle the memories yet.
One thing that scares me , is not having control over these episodes. And some of my memory hasn’t returned. And I am still trying to figure things out, but. I think me loosing my memory of certain things is for a purpose. Maybe, God has a reason I can’t remember everything right now. Maybe He and my mind realize I am not ready yet
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A MyDepre...
