How do you deal with the self-loathing that occurs after you've upset someone through your mood swings and/or anger that are caused by your mental health?
Also, how do you deal with it when the person you upset refuses to accept you weren't in your right mind at the time?
I don't know anyone any longer to upset, not in person anyway, so I don't really have an answer for you, except that you weren't in your usual straight frame of mine. Depression is a crippling disease. I'd so prefer to have a bone broken, or anything else, than to deal with what I go through daily, for the last 34 years. Work helps. Any work helps. Even 20 years ago when I'd help dad out with his antique restorations helped. One particular project I still think of, I sanded down an entire vintage ice box and veneered the wood. Dad bought it for $5 bucks, it was covered in housepaint green. I turned that thing over into mint condition and we sold it for $1500 in 1994. I'll never forget that pride. I'll also never forget the lousy 10% I got out of it, but that's what dad taught me, stating, "whoever said life was fair, kid?" I miss him terribly. I'm so glad I turned into him. Hang in, my young friend. It's not all that bad. This is a great group, a great forum. If you can get your feelings out on "cyberpaper" as it were that too is a help.
Depending on how angry I am, I do self harm activities. That has gone on since I was a teen. I know that it is not healthy and I do have friends that are very concerned about that.