The feelings are so intense and it's only the second night but I'm already dealing with suicidal thoughts or thoughts of death. A warning sign for my descent into suicidal thinking and depression is when I write poems that end in wishing for death or taking a step towards fulfilling a plan of suicide and I realize, I need to get some help or talk to someone to distract me. I'm not dealing with these feelings very… read more
I recently started to wish I am no more but my problem is my son who has ADD and thus couldn't get proper education and seem not knowing what is going on. I even suspect that maybe he also have depression. I have tried to push him work towards his future to no success. I am so tired of everything just wish I can be admitted to just sleep. Can't even think properly now. Oh I am so tired 😭😭
I have experienced the descent you describe only rarely...apparently, my strong self-awareness won't let it take hold to fall all the way. However, even when I stop short of descending emotionally, I find myself descending intellectually anyway (hard to describe, but I assume I'm detaching my emotions and just "observing" it.) Anyway; one thing that I find helpful is whenever I feel like my red-flags have been raised (for me one is the desperate, but unfulfilled need to cry), I find a way to remind myself that "this is not me". In other words, the depressed me is not the me which exists in reality from day to day. The depressed me is not "me"...it is a false "me" which was created and forced upon me by external triggers. I refused to allow the depressed me to make important decisions for me - it's not really "me"...if it makes a horrible/dumb decision, it would prevent the "real" me from coming back and restoring order. It can be very sobering to realize that the depressed you is trying to end your suffering by doing something you can never undo. I don't like "all or nothing" decisions. It may feel like I'm on a sinking ship at times, but I refuse to stop fighting...as long as I can fight or hope, I haven't lost yet. "Do not go gentle into that good night...rage, rage against the dying of the light." - from a longer poem by Dylan Thomas.
Hi Rahman Yes you are definitely suffering from severe depression and having the suicidal thoughts are not good. You need to see your doctor who can recommend a psychiatrist immediately, or go to the emergency room. It’s very hard to fight the depression because of the chemical imbalance in your brain. Some people can exercise or listen to music or find other people they can talk to who are suffers, but that only helps to a point. Take care of yourself Now! Keep in touch
Sorry, I just saw this. You really need to talk to someone. You can either call the suicide hotline or go to the ER and tell them you are in crisis. You have severe depression. I do not want you to harm yourself.
I have contemplated life and death quite often; I even plotted how I would like to go bc I didn’t think that I would be missed. But, you have to remind yourself that depression is very selfish. It’s a monster that evokes from deep within that tries to consume/devour you. And, when you give in to its will, you essentially become its meal. You have to fight these thoughts, these odds. Yes, it is an uphill battle but you have to fight it bc you are so much more than this monster that lives inside of you. Please seek help!