This question is literally the Heart of Depression - Fear.

It's also the hardest to answer :) Personally speaking, Self Love is wishful thinking.... it's not what we actually want to achieve, we only think it is. For me personally, it was Self-Hate that I had to acknowledge, and that meant looking at all of the parts of me that I hated. Fear... we try to find the beauty in us, but refuse to look at our mistakes. Our flaws, our unworthiness, our disappointments, our truth - We have to take out all of our buried memories of unwanted pain and truly feel those unwanted feelings of self-hate. To take yourself back to those memories, to feel those feelings, without being trapped in the past, is by looking at all of the hurt we endured was caused by ourselves and only ourselves. To accept that our Hurt existed, to drown ourselves in every single emotion that feels as though our Heart is breaking, until we hit the most deepest and darkest depth of our minds.. until theres nothing left. And there, in that darkness, we find that all of our pain, was because we Loved. And we understand the meaning of letting go, the beauty of acceptance, the truth of Fear - We allow ourselves to drown without finding a way to avoid falling.

I Promise, it's not what we think it is... it's absolutely the most beautiful feeling when we Love ourselves, we finally look at ourselves through our eyes, and not the World's.

❤️

Believe in yourself, .

Self-love is a dream for me. My negative thoughts pop in anytime I try to see the good in me. Not sure how I can always find good in others but never myself.

I finished college, took a job running a funeral home. In the late 80’s I was making over six figures. The position came with fantastic benefits also. A free four bedroom house owned by the funeral home, a Cadillac with the business supplying all the gas, and many more perks. I ran the business from 1982-2002 which is when one day I sunk into this deep depression. I took a few weeks off and tried to come back but I really just couldn’t and had to go on full-time disability.
With the job gone so was every benefit I had. I was married with two kids and another due that same year. That was 21 years ago and I can’t stand myself. When I look in the mirror all I see is failure. I brought the third child up while my wife worked and I knew she had resentments towards me. We were married 30 years when she wanted to split.
It killed me. We divorced in 2019 but remained close the kids are 32, 30, & 20 and we are very close. They hold a grudge against my ex but I keep telling them if I remained friends with her they shouldn’t resent their mother.
I wrote this novel to explain why I despise myself even though it was a sickness that caused this whole mess not me. I have tried I think every med cocktail there is and none has really helped me.
My psych was crazy frustrated and he told me he read an article that said how Adderall is really helping medically resistant depression and wanted to try it out on me so I did and for the first time since 2002 I felt almost human again! I’ve been taking it for three years now and even though I have bad bouts of depression they have been cut shorter and I don’t suffer like I used to.
I hope this post helps someone out there.
Joe

Self care helps doing something for u