I know how much it hurts to always be trying to please your parent. I finally had to get to the place where I realized that my parents did the best they could do with what they knew. I did some checking on how my mom was raised and once I heard from some of her brothers and sisters, I found that she had been treated the same way from her mother. Then I realized that what she was saying and doing was about her not me. It is a hard and long process to get to the point that it doesn't hurt anymore. I changed how I reacted to her words. Then I was able to bring a different behavior into our relationship. Before she passed we were starting having a pretty good relationship. Big hugs and prayers.

Hi Love and Welcome!
We can't expect to please other people, we can only strive to please ourselves. I used to feel much the same way that I was not pretty enough or good enough or whatever enough. Then, I took up running when I was 30 yrs. old. When I ran my first 5 K race, I placed 1st in my age division. Both my parents and ever encouraging husband were there. My father was out on the course so he could cheer me in. "There goes my girl!" When I received a trophy, we drove to my parents house to show them. My mother said, "Oh, I didn't think you were that good, " in a disdainful voice! My father was much more positive, but besides that, I was proud of myself as I had no idea I would run as fast and as easily as I did. I began to think of everything as I triumph for the most part. Sometimes others would try to knock me down with nasty comments and sometimes that worked on their part. Now I take things much more in stride. Running did this for me most of the time with rare exceptions.

Sometimes you can never be good enough but it's more about them not you, personal experience. What is something that your proud you can do?

My dad asked me once how long are you going to blame me for your problems I said I'm going to blame you for the problems you caused and I'm going to take responsibility for the problems I've caused myself. When he was dying I said Dad children disappoint their parents but parents disappoint their children too.

There is a lot on the internet and even a book by Panache Desai, "You are Enough". This has been my mantra for awhile. I will brainwash myself until I believe it. It helps me meet challenges and interact with difficult people. I don't need to get into issues with my parents. It's more of a spiritual issue, building my spirit. You can't change your parents. If your mom makes a disparaging remark, just tell her your sorry that she feels that way. If you can get to a place of acceptance that these dynamics are just what they are, and not take them personally, you will be on your way!