I see pictures on FB of family crap and it sickens me bc every Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years dinner I was not allowed to eat, and had to dig in the garbage for food or sneak and eat sugar to stave off the hunger, if I was not locked in a dark cold basement for days on end. In those days most every day I was beat and I'm not talking your wonderful belt (i had that too)... I'm talking fists, knives, and being choked to unconsciousness or whipped naked after being put in a shower with the full hot water blasted on ya. I hate them... my hate consumes me. These are just the nice things that happened to me. Somehow I lived. So when I see happy families on FB I get sick.

Most people I know have betrayed me. I know the feeling

A couple of years ago, I had neighbors (fathers in-law) who told the whole neighborhood about my upbringing, my abuse, and attempted to justify it. Prior unto their invasion, I had lived 10/12 years in the neighborhood. My friends stopped me from confronting them. Literally, begging and pleading for me not to retaliate. I love my friends for helping me walk away. I fear and feel one day I will not. I may pay a societal price but at least I will be free and at peace from inside. The dream was them being in my vicinity and attempting to recalibrate their dominance. I've never dreamt of secondary abusers...never.

For me the nightmares come and go over the years. I don't know if the nightmares will ever go away.

You feel this hate because we are hurt and live in pain and fear. The ultimate end goal is to never become like your abusers... never!