I have totally been where you are at. I have felt what you are feeling. I have felt the thing that kept me alive was I had no energy to kill myself. I know that sounds stranges but I to wrote the notes. I to had the plans. I didn't know what to do. I'm still on the roller coaster ride. The difference is I asked my therapist to hold my hope for me. So, I'm not struggling because I'm not fighting anymore. I stopped resisting. I told myself if you want to live then live. If you want to die then die. Fear was keeping me from living. Also depression which as we know is chemical. Therefore I'm looking into ECT. Medication which I've tried for along time stopped working for me. Good luck. Keep plugging away and don't be so hard on yourself. We are our worst enemy.

Amen.

Hi Trm1968

My heart goes out to you. I find myself in a similar frame at the moment. I was diagnosed with manic depression in 2009 and I have also had a few walks in the dark valley of contemplating suicide! I have had several failed attempts. I stopped my meds for more than a year now and I too am overcome by this sense of listlessness. I have eventually confided in one of my relatives about knowing that I need help and just not having the energy to seek for it. She managed to nudge me in the direction of doing something about it. I have been back to see a shrink and am about to start treatment again. It is not easy when you are in this zone! If it is possible give someone permission to gently get you to seek help! It is extremely difficult to try it on your own. That feeling of being low, down in the dumps and just tired is real. It is not laziness, it is illness!

I wish you good luck. I hold you in my heart and send you positive energy. Seek help dear fried!

Call a hotline , they r open 24/7. Talking to a complete stranger actually helps take the desperation away for the moment, then find a doctor u feel comfortable with and get back on medication. It takes awhile to find the right combo that helps u the most. In the mean time reach out to someone that has similar diagnosis as yourself. Stay strong, u made it this far, just know u r worth saving.

Knowing you're not alone. Not that i find some kind of pleasure in knowing theres others out there that go through these things too, but it is comforting to know im not completely alone in this. Dont give up, keep fighting. Im a complete mess, You are not alone.