I struggle with this. Am I setting myself to be ready or am I setting it up period? I don't want to go into a depression, but I know I will regardless of my best efforts.

I've noticed in the past I've done the same thing. It's almost as if I don't deserve to feel well and have good things in my life. I worked with a therapist who tried to help me. It was a long road. I still tend to panic and look for things to worry over but I'm older now and I know I have to take advantage of all the good days as I can. Perhaps it would help if when you feel the cycle coming on, you step back, take a few deep breaths and tell yourself that YOU are in control, not the depressive slump.

I live the exact same thing. My husband says my personality changes completely and he doesn't know what to do. I've noticed that when things, events, comments, or even perceived and exaggerated things crowd my mind, I get into an angry stats of mind. I start telling myself all kinds of untrue statements like: he doesn't live me or understand me at all. I let it all build up until one day I blow and we fight. Once I réalisé what I was doing, I talked to my husband about it and he came up with an idea that seems to be working for us. We set a time every day or every other day... no more than one hour, when I can tell him what may be bothering me, whether I felt unloved, hurt by a comment, or anything else that bothers me. He listens only and only says things when I ask him a question or his opinion. I told him that when I'm in depression, he should not take my erratic comments too seriously because I don't understand them myself. So far it works. Nothing builds up inside me and I don't explode. I hope this helps.

I feel like behind every silver lining is another black cloud. Haven't been wrong yet!

It's simple stop creating your own misery, demons,why are you trying to be be unhappy??