Your thoughts sound very similar to many of mine. I'm so sorry you feel like this now. Eventually I came to explain to those I love (and ignore the others) that major depressive disorder does not have anything to do with how good or bad your life is, it's a chemical imbalance causing emotions that you cannot reason away. I always know I have an amazingly blessed life, yet I will simultaneously want to kill myself... ? my best advice is to do what you're doing and talk to others, schedule something (or have someone else) that would normally make you happy, try to reason out the events and thoughts that may have triggered this episode, and call your psychiatrist to see if they can help with meds. Hang in there. You got thru this before so you can do it again!
PS: I feel that therapy has totally ruined my TMI filter. I have had to get used to stating my terrible thoughts and feelings so blatantly over and over that now if someone asks- I tell them my whole emotional life story. No Good. A side effect of talk therapy 😒

I am here. I hear You. You matter. I want You to be alive. This terrible world that we live in needs You to be here with us so we don't feel alone. Your life matters to me, so I can live here also knowing You are here too❤️

Oh the "stop the pity party" is the regular that is told to me or i Will be ok.. Yada yada. But i do understand what you are going thru.. Just have not learned how to process it as of yet except thru anger which dont help. Wish i had more for you..

Hey Kaye I m sorry you're having trouble people can be cruel and plain ignorant we know that makes me wanna whip some ass honestly cause I know you are hurting deeply want answer s and some peace, nothing wrong with that at all. Smile cause we want you here we love hearing from you when you have positive post it puts a smile on my face knowing that you're ok gives me and I m sure others hope in our struggle, don't stop asking questions either it's good it's gooood. big hug 😎

You are a special person, there is no one like you, you matter, do not let anyone bring you down, go to that appointment and tell him that your feelings are real, you need to feel them, you need help through them. You need to tell that counselor that you're having suicidal thoughts and really need help. When are you going? Will you call your doctor and tell him you need to have an up in your medication, you are feeling
suicidal.You matter in this site and out of it, the world would tilt if you were not in it, everyone counts and makes a difference, so your world needs you to be there, it would be a huge, gaping hole that no one else could fill, only you belong there!

Please answer me, because I'm going to wait for your answer, then if you don't, I will post to your wall to see how you are.