A year ago I sent a text to my cousin railing on her for not attending my son's high school graduation party. I have three cousins and two of them have 3 adult children each. I have attended many if not most of their functions including: high school graduations, college graduations, assisted with wedding and baby showers, funerals, and attended weddings. Only 2 family members came to my son's graduation
Obviously, it bothered me
So I decided to send an apology text. Mentioned that I had… read more
I have a difficult time talking with people about how I feel because I inevitably get negativity and blame placed back on me. I get nervous when I need to verbalize issues. I find that writing a letter or note to someone when I am upset really helps. I do not argue by text or on FB. It allows me to get all of my feelings out without interruption or judgement. It also allows the other person to take in what I have to say before they react.
This is going to sound awful, but i don't feel bad or guilty for speaking my mind. Because that is something I have always done. I am blunt, Blatantly freakin honest, direct & straight to the point kinda gal. I am the one that will ask what everyone else is thinking but won't ask. I usually don't think before I speak & i don't have a filter. (seem to be missing it). I can also say that if something pops in to my head, it's coming out of my mouth as quick as it popped up in my head. I am not politically correct and I probably never will be. I am Italian and very vocal. For quite some time as a child and having to experience things that no person should ever have to experience, and then end up with my1st abusive boyfriend that would beat the crap out of me & came close to breaking my back, to finally leave him and end up with another verbally, emotionally, and controlling person. I was there for 15 years. Everyday he had no problem killing me slowly inside of myself constantly. So much so I felt I needed something that I was in control of for myself. I started to starve myself. Because I knew my organs would start to shut down and I would finally be free. For some reason, something in me snapped. I was no longer scared. Because I finally realized I had a voice. And since that day, I began to use it and never stopped. I was finally free because I had a voice. At 4-7 years old, being molested, raped, abused every which way someone can be, I was able to become a very strong & independent female. I decided that it was time for me to stand up & protect me. No one else did. So I call it as I see it, someone gets in my face, i I don't back down. And I'm very proud to be who I am today. I have no regrets. Our journeys in this life (not all pleasant) will either let you be the person you were always meant to be, the one that will stand & speak out for others, or it will keep you held back and not let all your potential shine through. So my answer is no. I do not and will not ever feel bad or guilty for anything I may say.because I matter. I always have. And no one in this world will ever break me down to nothing ever again!
You know I do not feel bad speaking my mind. I had kept things bottled up for so many years when I found my voice and if I think it I say it. I do not go out of my way to hurt people though but do tell them what I think in a nice way if I can.
I come from a very strong and very independent family we are mostly woman.., at the same time we were considered weak if we cried... and I believe it to be true... I was taught to speak my mind and to compete with the male sex, you got to be tougher than them... the minute you show them your emotion you make yourself prone to be taken advantage of. For a while I had a very strong personality. I felt invisible. I started dating a guy and I was basically the man in the relationship which I think affected him a lot. We had a break for a while and he moved a way... I tracked him down and we started talking again and then I moved down... the hardest thing for me was to depend on him... I was taught not to ever depend on a man. I depend on him a lot now that I'm a way from my family... a year later after I moved down... a friend of ours past away... and things just became a lot more difficult... I was crying all the time life was hard... I was so broken and messed up that I don't even know how I was still standing... we would fight all the time and I would feel guilty for fighting... for hurting him... for pushing him away... even when I was with him I felt alone... I eventually tried to take my own life which he walk in to the door before I was able to complete the process... I then decide to go and get help... I don't always feel good bt I now have reverted to keeping the stuff that hurts me to myself... sometimes I think about things I have said and done and I feel so guilty... I miss who I was and hate what I have become.
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