Yes I gave it my all and put so much energy into staying up for the joy and anticipation as a family expects only to relapse into my winter slumber. Every year I say I'm going to do something rewarding for me. I need a reason, to wake up and feel blessed I'm alive. Others are fighting a harder battle. I'm here make good while alive on this earth. Then I think why am I here on earth dying inside when there are actually many fighting for their lives and I'd rather give up. I read an inspiring quote that will engrave inside of me ... " I've come this far why give up now" Don't give up my friends we are in this together sharing our deepest issues trusting each other . Make today count the best you can. Tomorrow is never promised. Happy Holidays with love

The holidays are awful for me. My dad has, since my late teens, made hurtful jokes at my expense, about my weight, my looks, calling me lazy, smelly. Says that any guy going out with me must have a 'whote stick'. He plays them off as jokes.
My mother...is simply critical, aloof, distant emotionally. Rare listens to a word i say, plays in her ipad when i try and have a conversation, then tells me that i don't shutup if i press her to pay attention. We can't talk about anything serious, as i simply get 'get over it' or 'suck it up'.
This is a constant.

So knowing i have to spend a whole day dealing with this...i dread Christmas. And i can't refuse to go over my mothers, as she bullies me to change my mind. I mean, what would people think if i don't spend my day with family?

I always tell her what i want for Christmas, it's never expensive; maybe a book, or a movie. I wrote a list of things i specifically want, and every year she's supposed to choose off the list. Because she takes no interest in me and what i like...
Yet, what usually happens is that she forgets me....and ends up rush-buying my presents, not getting me anything i want, random crap i won't use, don't like or never asked for because it's cheap and she's spent the rest of her cash on everyone else.
Dad...he gives her money and she buys my gift from him. The Christmas card too, he just signs his name on both and gives no other effort.

I get through it by telling myself that in twelve hours i can sink into my couch, watch the soaps, with a tin of chocolates and a hot cup of tea. I take a lot of bathroom breaks and sit in there for ten minutes every couple hours. I keep my mouth shut, smile through the jokes and tell myself that it's one day in 365 and near the evening, when the jokes at my expense get too much and i cry in the toilet, i wipe up the tears so they can't see how they've hurt me, and i look at my daughter. She reminds me to smile.

I love the holidays! I get together with my friends and family and have a great time... But my hard time comes afterward. I feel let down after the holidays and start to feel depressed and I have to fight against that. does anyone else feel the same?