So, amongst other things, a big part of what still affects me and my depression today is the fact that I was abused as a kid. I have never told any member of my family since it was one of my brothers who did it. Even though it was a long time ago, I still have some nightmares and random thoughts about it during the day, especially now that I became sexually active, sometimes it is just so hard to get that memory out of my head. I don't know whether I should tell my family or not because it'sā¦ read more
It is hard to deal with. I am talking to a therapist, my family know some, but not how many times and exactly what happened.
I think talking to a therapist would be a good first step. They can help you prepare for telling your parents. @A MyDepressionTeam Member has laid out the perfect plan and I agree you need to be fully prepared.
Firstly, I am very sorry that you have had to suffer at the hands of your brother. From what you said, I infer that he sexually abused you which is both disturbing and disgusting. Thankfully, I have never been through this which is good on the one hand but bad on the other as I am unsure how to help you, however, it is clear that the abuse still affects you and I'd say wanting to open up about it is a really good sign.
That said, I'm not sure what would be the best way to approach this kind of conversation. It might be good to ask yourself what might happen if you tell them. In other words, ask yourself what is the worst that could happen, what is most likely to happen and what is the best-case scenario if I tell them? That way, you prepare yourself for any possibly uncomfortable feelings you may experience during the conversation. Remember that your expectations and answers to these questions must be realistic.
Now for the conversation:
1) I agree with Beci-Jayne; write down what you want to say and prepare well for the conversation.
2) Remain calm and composed when you have the conversation.
3) Do not bash your brother - this might cause hostility towards you.
4) Make sure you say everything you need to say and help your family members understand how they can support you.
5) Be prepared for possible emotional outbursts. If they should happen, make sure you remain calm.
6) Be prepared for possible questions - they may be uncomfortable so prepare well in advance that you know what you want to say. You can do this by googling typical questions people ask victims of sexual abuse.
7) Practice the conversation with someone you trust like a really good friend.
8) Take deep breaths - remember that you have a right to express how you feel. Stand your ground.
That's the best advice I can offer. I wish you good luck with this. Don't forget how precious and loved you are. What your brother did was wrong and you are not to blame for any of it. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you.
I was 16 when i got raped i new told any for a good year it mentaly destroyed me i wished i had spoken sooner about it. If you cant deal telling them face to face write a letter to them and sit their with them while they read it.dont hold it back anymore i still suffer now with nightmares flash backs panick attacks snd the rest that comes with it. Im here if u ever need to talk ive been through similar read my story if u ever need a friend to talk to and some one thats been through the same if not similar im here hope you find a solution x
It is hard to deal with I have had multiple family members over my life time and you shouldn't have to suffer alone. Therapy helps some .