I understand how you feel.I have two children and a husband.During manic depression I feel like I want everybody gone including my own children.Everybody and everything irritates me.Nobody in my family understand me as well.If I bring up my depression to my mom,she will laugh about it with my brothers.I realized that learning how to love myself is the key to freedom from guilt and shame.Stop waiting for others approval,and gain first knowledge second motivation and finally confidence.
DONT LET ANYONE manipulate and make YOU feel worse.LOOK in the mirror and put make up ON and ear rings and do positive TALK.
I had been criticized and emotionally abandoned my whole life,starting from birth untill now.
I won't let their issues effect me ANYMORE.
PUT YOUR NEEDS ON TOP OF THE LIST.Everybody will be against it.You have to give to you first ,in order to pass it on to others.

Guilt that comes with depression I can totally relate to. It’s like “why can’t I do these things other people seem to do so easily?”. Mainly, we fight more than most people can imagine, so basically, we are warriors. Try to be kind to yourself and understanding. Taking baby steps only when your ready will help change your mindset. Also, cbt therapy is my go-to when my thoughts are burying me, so that I can’t move or get out of bed. Having someone that understands mental illness, so you can talk to them is a must! Burying feelings only makes the depression worse. I would get a cbt workbook or do some worksheets online. It changes your negative thinking patterns to positive ones, and feeling better in association with the positive thoughts follows. Also, you’re not alone, so just be kind to yourself. You’re fighting a lot.

I hear you! Am 46 and am in menopause with those feelings! Have you spoken to a doctor or a therapist about this? You may want to reach out if you haven’t.

Try church and God. Celebrate RECOVERY is at alot of churches. Google it. They can really help.

I hear these same discussions all the time from members of a peer support group. It takes guts and courage to get yourself moving in the right direction. Most marriages that are not already strong before a mental health diagnosis of a spouse will either end in a divorce or will limp along .. at least till the kids are older. It effects the children also. They will likely have a hard time trusting their own feelings or a potential partner's thoughts and feelings.