How Should I Handle My Deeply Depressed Husband? | MyDepressionTeam

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How Should I Handle My Deeply Depressed Husband?
A MyDepressionTeam Member asked a question 💭

My husband has been through a lot of troubles at work, being talked down to and threatened to be fired, and now yesterday was his breaking point. He doesn't eat, he doesn't talk to me, I think he basically hates himself and also pushes me away. What can I do?? No matter what I say or do, nothing gets through to him. And I myself am getting depressed because of this. We are basically now two blind people leading each other in a ditch. Please I need advice!

posted July 9, 2019
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A MyDepressionTeam Member

Be a listener for him, let him say what's on his mind. For me, just having someone to talk (vent) to is a big help. May be encourage him to talk, but don't seem like you're "forcing" him to open up.
Pray for him, and yourself to allow God to give you the peace, strength and courage to make it through this!
Be encouraging, and supportive.Let him know you are there for him no matter what. (Don't use negative lines such as: it's all in you head, or imagination; you need to let things go, and get over it; leave work at work, it's in the past; or you just need to deal with it). Sorry, I'm not trying to sound like a lecture. I'm just relating to my own experience.
It sounds like I was at that same point about 1 1/2 years ago.
Encourage him to see a psychologist/therapist. Someone neutral to talk to. May be suggest a doctor to start anti-depressants.
Do little things for him to let him know you are there for him.
Go for a couples weekend, and get away.
Try a hobby, if he is interested in certain things. Getting colored pencils and pens, and adult coloring books helped me get my mind off of things. It "distracted my brain", and took my focus off of the stress, anxiety, and things that would trigger my deep depression. My psychiatrist also confirmed that the adult coloring books are great in battling depression!
I apologize for making this a long read, but I hope it helps in some way, shape or form!

posted July 13, 2019
A MyDepressionTeam Member

Hi Estine. I have been in your husband's position. It is a very horrible and difficult position to be in. Maybe he is being quiet because he is trying to protect you, not knowing it is making things worse for you.

When I was going through my time, my Wifey used to do little things that she knew I liked. I know each person is different so what worked for me might not work for your husband.

She would make my favourite food some evenings, send me a Whatsapp during the day just to let me know she was thinking of me and praying for me. Sometimes she would be angry with my boss for my part. Not speaking with him of course, just helping me vent by putting into words what I was thinking.

But like I say each person is different and you will have to think about what to do in your unique circumstances. And just an encouragement. He may not say it but I an sure he recognises the effort you are making for him.

posted July 11, 2019
A MyDepressionTeam Member

Thank you guys. I'm definitely praying for him that God will give him strength each day. @A MyDepressionTeam Member I try to do little things to cheer him up, e.g. favourite meals, we cuddle each morning before making ready for work, watching his favourite shows, etc. His depression comes from his work. He talks to me about it, and I listen. And the big problem is he doesn't even have time to see someone because he works ungodly hours. I tried to talk him into getting anti-depressants but he doesn't want to. I have to admit I had moments where I told him he needs to deal with it and yeah I know it doesn't help at all. I'm now trying to just be a shoulder for him, sharing his pain, and sharing his hatred for this place. I'm definitely going to try to talk him into colouring in @A MyDepressionTeam Member. We do have a set of adult colouring books and we haven't coloured in in a long time. @A MyDepressionTeam Member I'm actually going to try to play his favourite music when he comes back from work. Good idea. He also loves massages and back rubbing.
Thanks everyone for your advice! My husband is better now. Not 100% but better than that specific day when he was completely down. It just takes time for him to recover before he gets on with his life again. But I'll keep on pampering him in this difficult time.

posted July 15, 2019 (edited)
A MyDepressionTeam Member

Massage to help him wake up. Nothing elaborate. Just friction massage works. Touch heals. Taste... Cook something special. Smell Use aromatherapy oils in houze like lavender vanilla musk or incense and candles, play happy music. Xo try to do something active with him or just let him brood. Give him space

posted July 12, 2019
A MyDepressionTeam Member

@A MyDepressionTeam Member Wow 4 months break sounds amazing. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way in our country haha. It's bad struggling alone, isn't it? It feels like nobody I talk to understands how I feel. These days wives don't love their husbands enough to really care. Yeah he likes being quiet in these times, I cannot do anything with him. But I will try to talk to him. But I'm that type, if I feel someone doesn't want to talk, I get lost for words. So we will be just one awkward silence bunch haha. I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with my husband. I really really love my husband and would die for him. It's a good thing, but can also work against you...

posted July 10, 2019 (edited)

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