Hi Bernard,
Your post really resonated with me.
I too have strived and achieved my dream, which was a profession I never thought I was smart enough to do. It helped for a few years but I still have episodes of emptiness. I feel there is a lot to be said for the saying " if your own mother doesnt love you, how will anyone else"?
Whilst I'm at work, I'm fine.
Outside of work I have two friends who I see twice a year, no other friends, Not through lack of trying. I invited everyone to a BBQ New Year's Day and no one turned up! I am kind, caring, helpful and really treat people like they are special because I don't want anyone feeling they aren't in my presence. Yeti still feel alone. Last week I actually wrote a message to my husband, I realised that if I left this world it really wouldn't affect anyone.
This ended up being a really long post and didn't answer your original question.
Here if you need to chat xxxx

Sort of shy to bring it up, but in my experience the only way to fill that yawning void is seeking spiritual fulfillment. You might try Celebrate Recovery, it's a great all-purpose support group and available all over.

@A MyDepressionTeam Member. I have a huge void, I have looked at this page several times. At 68, I have never filled it. I try desperately not to look back. I cannot mend the damage I have done to myself by choosing men who did not understand me or hurt me. I am seen as "together" by friends. I am empty. CBT, counselling, and now a Mental Health Nurse and Psychiatrist. No one seems to get me. I have no family now. My youngest Son lives a minute away, I wont dwell on his treatment of me.
I go to Church since moving and I am feeling more positive. I am learning to pray. It is, however; hard to say "thank you" Last Monday I went to Guy's Hospital in London. The professor, who saw me "Got" why a little, tubby old lady needed help. I have no teeth and because of Parkinson's disease; couldn't keep dentures in. He carefully read my notes and picked up on how many ante-depressants I took, He noted that I hid my mouth with my hand. My jaw was x rayed. He is 90% certain he can get funding for implants. WOW.
What a change from; you shouldn't do that, worry about that, deserve that "at your age." I live alone and probably always will. I do have good friends who have known me forever. They don't understand me, but they care. Perhaps I have to live with and learn to manage my void.

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A MyDepre...

Hi.. I have been holding off on this question, because I just didn't know how to answer it. Everyday I ha e been reading it..get ready with an answer, then close the page. So here I go..
In the past, (and up until a couple yrs ago), I thought I needed a man to complete my life. Throughout my life, I think I was trying to fill a void I was missing. I had a good dad. I had a cool little brother. But I somehow let down my big brother and felt he hated me. And I think that affected me more than I ever knew!! Being an outcast/misfit in school, I had no normal boyfriends like the other girls..as I got older. I picked men stupidly..thinking my older brother would like them..LOL..(of course he never did)...and then, after all the yrs, I was looking for a man to please me, when I didn't even really want a boyfriend. So I turned to drugs and drinking to fill the void of depression caused by divorcing all the men I had married trying to fill the void from lack of love from my brother... Too crazy!!
NOW.... I have found some peace and I am content!! I live alone, except for when a kid or grandkid stays over night now and then. I don't have a boyfriend, because I don't want to get caught up in that again. But I do have a great friend that's a guy, who doesn't want a girlfriend. I still struggle with my depression everyday. But it seems a lot easier now once I cut out all the outside clutter....LOL.. once I took out most of the negative, I found it a lot easier to manage..
Have a good day everyone
Be kind to yourself & others & as always
Many hugs & MUCH RESPECT

I have a Border Collie and due to surgery on my knee I haven't taken him places that he loves. But I know he loves me unconditionally.