I wish I could help you find someone to love but this world is full of selfish people who suck life out of kind and generous people like you and me. They are really good at pretending they like you till they get what they want from you or you don't give them anything and they just take it and leave you with your heart all shriveled up. Someone said I should get a puppy. Idk. I'm afraid I will get mad at it when I am down and out. I don't want Anyone to be miserable like me.
Anyway that's pretty pathetic forcing a dog to love me and dragging it around on a chain while I fake being happy so nosy people won't bother me.

My meds made me sick sometimes to. Just talk to your doctor and try a different type of meds. Some will work and some won't. It's a process. And with pushing people away, I get it. But maybe find one person you can talk to. Someone you can trust and is there for you. A close friend or relative.
Hoped I helped. Stay strong and keep fighting

I experienced the total flattening of my emotions while on antidepressants too. They got rid of the super low moments, but it also cut off the happy moments at the knees. Feeling and behaving like an automaton has hung around.

Intense physical exertion seems to help me the best; the kind where you push yourself to your physical limits. And be easy on yourself with regards to not finding enjoyment in your former hobbies or not having a passion for anything. Focus on the things you can and have to do, and relax. What other people think you should be doing doesn't mean doodly.

LOL I wish I could tell her that,

I think your employer needs meds...