Hi @A MyDepressionTeam Member, I'm kinda going through something similar. Though the major contributor to my depression has been the years of multiple elders I caregived for --thus experiencing crazy caregiver burnout -- another big factor has been issues in my marriage that got sidelined because I was too overwhelmed and just too busy to really deal with. Now that the caregiver nuttiness has calmed down significantly, I find I'm having more time now to notice the things in my life that caregiving just did not permit me to: my messy, unbelievably cluttered house/finances, my neglected kids, my crumbling marriage. Part of my depression symptoms included being very irritable and resentful toward my husband, and our previously pretty solid relationship just devolved into a cold war, where we either stopped talking altogether or bickered over stupid things. It was always tense. Anyway, fast forward to recent months when I was spiraling out of control, and knew I was in the throes (I like your term "episode") of depression again....and I am trying to work on it. I surprised even myself that I am reaching out to him more, trying to communicate how hard it has been for me, what my depression has been like, and that this time, I am reaching out to get professional help. He knows that I have gone back on my meds (I stupidly went off them thinking I was fine), been upping my exercise for the last month or so, in my effort to let the physiological "magic" of endorphins/dopamine/seratononin to do it's work. I know from past episodes that exercise has been key for me to start feeling better, even though the LAST thing I wanted to do was leave the house. It was easier, or I guess my negativity/loneliness/despair just pulled me into endless rumination that just wasn't helping me any. The last convo we had before he left again for his very frequent business trips was me apologizing for blowing up at him, that I am trying to get better and stronger first so that we can finally address the state of our marriage. I don't know how this will pan out..but I feel like I am finally ready to face the issues in my relationship that have been really troubling me. Geez, sorry for the long post, but I'm new to this site, I was perusing the "questions" people posted, and yours just resonated :) I am sending you positive thoughts and hope your husband can go through this difficult journey to work on your depression. Cheers :)

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A MyDepre...

I'm not sure why I haven't been back to this website. I just read your comment and it was a little distraction from the ugly episode I'm in right now. I'd like to hear about your progress in getting things put back together. It's amazing how powerful it is to hear of someone else going through similar pain. I hear all the time--just keep trying. One minute at a time. You can do this. It's all good advise. But I know they don't understand how each minute can be cruel after living with this for many years. It's so familiar and with the long-term nature of it it's hard to be told one minute at a time. There's no evidence that the minutes in the future will be any less painful. And I grow weaker over time so it's a tough combination.

Hang in there Pepper Steve! Life is not over till it's over. There is still someone with love in their heart, looking for you 👌

My wife couldn't handle my illness so I am now single at 65 and guess that's it for me.